A discrete, fashion-forward solution for your feminine needs

Here's another tool to improve your sexual health from the good Dr. Leonard's catalog.  The description below the photo says:  "This rose ring is a wearable tickler massager, sure to start a buzz...Discreet.."  Discreet?!  It looks like you have an uncircumcised lil' smokie shoved in that thing!   

I'll give you a dolla' if you wear one in public, though.

How badass is that?

Uterus belt buckle by Meckanism on Etsty.

While perusing etsy I came across this super-cool belt-buckle.   It is sadly no longer available.  I can't say I'd actually wear it, but I think that if I had some kind of badass, feminist, super-hero alter-ego I would rock it hard. 

Now what I really want is a little bronze uterus to hang off the back of my pick-up truck.  Once I find it, I'll have to buy a pick-up truck, but it will be worth it!

Dr. Leonard's Freaktastical Catalog for Old People

Have you ever had the pleasure of reading through Dr. Leonard's Catalog?  If you haven't I highly recommend getting on their mailing list.  Their target demographic seems to be people who are elderly, incontinent, mobility impaired, and also very, very horny.

It is your one-stop shop for plastic underpants, bunion regulators (regulate that bunion!),  and sweaters for your dog.

They also have motion sensor owls (take that, you sneaky criminals and Jehovah's witnesses!) and strapless, ruffled terry cloth rompers (always in fashion!).

I bet what you really need is a bug-zapper racket and a hernia support.  Am I right?  Well, Dr. Leonard has your ass covered.  

They even have large print Bibles and the Complete Life of Jesus on DVD.

Oh, and did I mention the large selection of freak-nasty sex toys?  I'm not going to screencap the vibrators, dildos and other unmentionables with names like the 10-Function Bendie, Pearl Dreams Massager,  Creme de la Femme and the grammatically questionable Me Clitoral Stimulating Gel (click at your own risk:  Dr. Leonard's).  But the real stand out product for me is the Totally Nude Yoga and Tai Chi video.

Nude tai chi?  Have you ever seen anyone doing tai chi?

  Have you ever thought, Man I wish I could see those people naked? Oh, you have?  Well, let me direct you to Dr. Leonard's Catalog.  I'm told it's America's leading resource for health products.

Well said...

DOTW

It is my distinct pleasure to bestow the very first DOTW honor to Pennsylvania attorney, Karl Rominger. 

Rominger is representing Jerry Sandusky.  In a recent interview, Rominger explained Sandusky's presence in the showers with young men as follows:

“Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 sounds strange to some people, but people who work with troubled youth will tell you there are a lot of juvenile delinquents and people who are dependent who have to be taught basic life skills like how to put soap on their body.”

Here is video of the interview at The Blaze:  Rominger Interview.

Perhaps these troubled youth were also struggling to understand the definitions of  "pedophilia," "fellatio," and "sodomy" as well.  One could argue that Sandusky was merely helping them to broaden their sadly lacking vocabularies by showing them what the words meant. 

Congrats, Karl!  I sure hope the money is worth it.

T and A PSA

I'm not sure if I can play along with this one.  Check out these "public service announcements"  <<nudge-nudge, wink-wink>> brought to you by Mozambique.

Apparently the text (as if anyone is going to read it) says: "When we talk about breast cancer, there's no women or superwomen. Everybody has to do the self-examination monthly. Fight with us against the enemy and, when in doubt, talk with your doctor."

I can't.  I refuse to even pretend to believe that these ads might have made for the benefit of women.    It would have been more honest if these were ads for testicular self-examination.

Dinner at the Crackington House

I found this picture in an ad I got in the mail from a local grocery store today.    Have you ever seen a more cracktastic spread? 

Billy:  "Hey Mom, what's for dinner?"

Mom:  "Pepperoni pizza, orange juice, a basket of whole-wheat bread, some cocktail shrimp and a big bowl of raw hot peppers."

Billy: "Cool, I like pizza. Wait, what?  A bowl full of raw..."

Mom:  "Yeah!  A bowl full of hot peppers.  Is there a problem with that?  Do I look like Paula-fucking-Dean to you?" 

Billy:  "Uhhh...  DAAAD!  I think Mom stopped taking her medication again!"

Mom:  "Your father?  You're calling him to help? Ha!  Oh, you are just like him.  So judgemental.  Nothing is ever enough.  I even spent the whole damn afternoon rolling up lunch meat JUST LIKE YOU LIKE IT  Oh, and I threw on some olives.  OLIVES, dammit.  And DIP!  Creamy-orange dip, because MOMMY LOVES YOU."

Trash-n-Fashion

I know I drink too much Diet Coke.  Now I have plan for all of those cans sitting in my garage waiting to be recycled.  I would look smashing in this, no?

Or how about this little party dress made out of pop can tabs and trash bags?  It was made by an eighteen-year old fashion student named Casey Hansel.

What about this fanciness?  No, it's not a Belle's dress from the 1984 Junior prom.   It's a gown made from peanut m&m wrappers.  Brillz!

This last one is made from shredded issues of Vogue.  I know I get the urge to rip up Vogue every once in a while.  Now there is a good reason to do it!

There's an app for that.

Uhhhh...  Whatever lets you and sleep at night, honey.   Next time you and your girls should use some  holographic condoms or a digital diaphragm or something.    

Pin-Up Boys

Well, hi there!  Yes, yes it has been a while.  But I have a whole backlog of the fabulous and the fabulously offensive to blog about.  Let's get started with these little beauties. 

I love me some pin-up girls, but I have never seen any pin-up boys.  It turns out there is a reason you never see pin-up boys.  Sorry, fellas, it's just not your thing.

Work that drill, girl!  Va-va-voom!

How cute is he?  I know my girl Angela is going to like this one. 

This is my fave.  If this bearded beauty isn't bringing sexy back, nobody is. 

Thanks to Jeremiah for sharing these on Facebook!

Plus Sized Pin Up Girls

This is something that makes me happy!  Les Toil is an artist who specializes in pin-up girls.  However, he's a little bit of an oddball.  He only does pin ups of plus-sized women.   Yes, you read that right.  He makes his living doing custom pin up girls, and here is a quote from his website for those interested in having one done:

"The qualifications for being a Toil Girl are quite simple actually. First and foremost, you must not be skinny. Here at the ToilTime Studios™ we believe an ample anatomy is the most desired and aesthetically pleasing an artist's model can have--and art history backs up that claim. The more curves the better, basically. So if you see Ally McBeal in the reflection of your mirror, consider yourself an unfit specimen (but, by absolutely no means, a lesser specimen. Being critical of one's proportions--be they vast or narrow--is something Mr. Toil frowns upon)."

It's strange to see big women portrayed as beautiful, and even sexy.  I love his website, and can get lost in his pin up galleries. It's refreshing to see larger ladies portrayed so lovingly! Here are a few of my favorites.

If you've got some time to kill, check out his website:  http://www.toilgirls.com/   I've known about him for at least five years, and the pin up girls change every few months.
        
And yes, if I ever have an extra $350 burning a hole in my pocket, I am totally going to become a toil girl.  I'm thinking some kind of Halloween theme, maybe with a pumpkin patch...

The perfect Christmas gift!

I found this little gem while doing some Christmas shopping online on Black Friday.  It is rated age ten and up, but I think a girl can never be too young to learn how to self-objectify and live her life for a man.

According to Amazon fun features of this game include:

• Put on your coolest outfit and make up then dance the night away
• An active life is a healthy life and have fun working out with your friends
• Meet up with your best friends to catch up on the latest fashions and hot gossip
• Enjoy this fun time with a lot of flirting relaxing and fun waiting for you

Sounds fun!  I'm glad there is a focus on working out and dressing appropriately.  I only hope there is a really fun dieting activity.