Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day: Mangina Edition

Something tells me this is as close to getting inside of a vagina as this guy has ever been.  His mom must be so proud.

One Crazy Rule to Look Younger Now

Ugh!  I hate those frickin' ads that are trying to push some miracle pill to make you look younger.  It is total bullshit.   Is the one rule to stop bein' a crack ho?  Because this shiz is looking like Faces of Meth in reverse.

Black is beautiful, right?

Here is a promotional photo for Beyonce's 2011 album, 4.  Yes, that is Beyonce.  She is barely recognizable.  As a White woman, I definitely don't feel like I fully understand the politics of skin color among Black women.  That being said, this picture makes me feel uncomfortable.   I can't help but imagine what little girls see when they see this picture.  Beyonce is in such a tremendous position of power to buck narrow, repressive ideas of what is beautiful.  She does that sometimes.  This is not one of those times.  What do you think?


As an aside, what the hell is up with that giant lump on the couch under her back?

Are you looking for new and exciting ways to screw your kid up? Maggie Goes on a Diet can help!

Check out this book, available directly from the devil himself on Amazon.com.  It's called Maggie Goes on a Diet.  Amazon gives this description: "This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image."

Huh. Right now the average age that an American girl goes on her first diet is eight years old.  Seriously.  That is all kinds of fucked up.  At eight you should not be worried about the size of your tummy or the thickness of your thighs.  Yet, this is normal in our culture.  A survey of girls in first through third grade showed that 42% wanted to be thinner (Rader Programs).   Insane.

By the time a girl reaches high school, there is a 60% chance she is on a diet at any given time.   No matter what she weighs or how fit she is, she is likely to believe that she needs to lose weight and to express disatissfaction with her body.  Girls learn quickly that their bodies don't measure up.

The thing is that dieting is not healthy.  Kids who go on restrictive diets are at increased risk for developing eating disorders.  You don't want your kid to end up anorexic, bulimic or a compulsive over-eater?  Do not let them go on a low calorie diet!  Lots of research has been done to show that when a person goes on a diet, they become more obsessed with food.  The mere act of dieting can trigger a lifetime of disordered eating.  Don't believe me?  Check out this article about the Minnesota Starvation Experiment, one of the most famous and earliest studies showing that dieting makes you crazy in the head (They Starved So That Others Be Better Fed).

Your kid has a case of the chubbies?  Turn off the damn television.  Give that kid a piece of fruit or a vegetable, and get them outdoors.  Drag your fat ass out there, too.  For God's sake don't tell the kid that they are fat, and do not put the child on a diet.  If the kid has an active and healthy life they'll be fine.  Let them have a slice of chocolate cake once in a while.  If you tell them they are too fat for it, they are just going to want it more.  As soon as you make certain foods taboo you have opened up a Pandora's box that is going to haunt that child for life. 

Oh, I took the time to read through the reviews for the book.  Most of the comments were from rational, sane people.  Some were a bit misguided, though.   For instance, Robin said: "Wow this is a very great book! My daughter who is 14 and fighting childhood obesity just had a birthday and this book arrived at her birthday party just a couple days after her birthday. So I let her open it up and she loved it."  Can you fucking imagine opening up a present for your fourteenth birthday and getting a book about going on a diet?    Ho-ly shit that kid is going to need therapy.

Who would you rape?

In December, the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity at the University of Vermont was suspended because they had distributed a survey to members asking who they would like to rape.  The school and national office of the fraternity quickly condoned the survey and the chapter of the fraternity.  It is not clear who wrote the questionnaire or who completed it.  There are a couple of important points here.  One is that it was brothers within the fraternity who reported the offensive question to the University.    Most men understand that rape is not a joke, and they are invested in preventing it.  

However, there are undercurrents in our culture that suggest that rape is not serious, that women really want it, and that women can "ask for it" based on how they dress or behave.   If you google the word "Rape" and click the images button, these are some of the things you'll see on the FIRST PAGE of results:

It's not a big deal.

Yes, you should expect to be raped.  It's all your fault, you fence-sitting slut.

I get your point about the over-elaborate set up here, but still.  Nope.

Although most people are smart enough to realize that this kind of crap is crap, there are some people who are vulnerable to these messages.   We need to take shit like the "who would you rape" survey and these hilarious internet memes seriously.  It's not funny. 

DOTW: Captain Cream Puff

Congratulations to Francesco Schettino, captain of the Costa Concordia.  He is undoubtedly guilty of looking like a total douchebag.

Heeeey, ladies!  You like the chest hair, no?

It is true that his woeful neglect of the top three four buttons on his shirt alone would qualify him for the honor of DOTW.  But he gets the title for his now famous, incredibly weenie-like performance after he caused the crash of his ship, killing at least twelve people.  The crash occurred because he veered miles off course in order to sail past an island and impress some of his buddies.  He engaged in all sorts of jackassery and general incompetence in the minutes after the accident.  But to me, his crowning glory was abandoning ship before all of the passengers were off. That's just a big no-no.  Now he is claiming that he didn't mean to abandon ship, but that he tripped and fell into a lifeboat.  Uhhh...


I think this guy would be better off to just go with: "It wasn't me."

Bikini babes and cheesy snacks

UGH!  Seriously.  These are the articles on Fox News right now.  Rhianna on bikini tour? What the f^@k is a bikini tour?  She likes to wear swimsuits?  Who gives a crap?  The bitch is swimming, do you want her to wear snowpants?  Underpants for soldiers?  Vanilla fucking ice?  STRAWS OF CHEESE!?  Now you are just screwing with us.  What kind of friggin' article about cheese straws warrants a spot on the main page of an alleged news website?  Oh, and to answer my question, yes.  I am stressed.  My gut does feel it.   I don't want to turn into a conspiracy nut, but it almost makes me wonder if they are just trying to distract the readership from important things that are happening in the world.

I can't help but think about bread and circuses. In Rome, when the shit was hitting the fan, the government distracted and appeased the people by providing free entertainment and food (Wikipedia article here.  Yeah, I know.  Wikipedia.  Just don't cite it in a term paper.).  I hate to get all political, but there is a lot of metaphorical shit flying toward the metaphorical fan right now, and the "news" sources give us this.   Seriously.  If I want this crap I will watch Entertainment Tonight or buy a copy of the National Enquirer.

Best Headline Ever.

Thanks to the Smoking Gun for what is possibly the best headline ever penned.  Flaming Tampon Attack should be the name of a band.

A discrete, fashion-forward solution for your feminine needs

Here's another tool to improve your sexual health from the good Dr. Leonard's catalog.  The description below the photo says:  "This rose ring is a wearable tickler massager, sure to start a buzz...Discreet.."  Discreet?!  It looks like you have an uncircumcised lil' smokie shoved in that thing!   

I'll give you a dolla' if you wear one in public, though.

Beach Body Battle?

Dear Fox News,
I'm willing to cut you some slack for being right-leaning.  It's not like everyone is unaware of it despite how much you claim to be unbiased.  But do you really need to have bikini girl articles?  Last time I checked we lived in a world where there was a shit-tastic economy, an upcoming presidential election, the ongoing war on terror, escalating tension with Iran, and worries about the new ruler of North Korea.  Are you really so hard up for material that you need to come up with utter crap like this?  Hell, if you just needed to fill space you could publish an articles about Beyonce's new baby or whatever the hell Lady Gaga wore yesterday.  Instead we get an article that pits two women against one another in an imaginary battle over who is more attractive.  It's so offensive and unnecessary.  Not to mention the fact that the under-side-boob combo is not doing Christina any favors.  I just want her to reach in there and adjust that thing.  Girl, if it don't lift, don't wear it!  And as for you, Fox News, stick to the news, buttholes!

Seriously, Though, Rape is Hilarious!

Yesterday when I wrote the post about changing the definition of rape, I decided to Google the word "rape" and hit the images button.  Yeah, I know.  That was dumb.  It got me looking at some of the shitty rape memes.  I'll grudgingly admit that some memes do strike me as pretty funny (Conspiracy Keanu, Ancient Aliens, Good Guy Greg, Ordinary Muslim Man).  But memes also seem to pull for some of the worst in humanity.  The racists, sexists and plain old pervs seem to have no problem revealing their true stripes anonymously online, under the guise of "humor."   Here are some not-so-witty versions of demotivational posters. 

This is from the hallowed halls of ebaums's world. 

No, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't, Cletus.  If you wanted to make a joke about this photo, you should focus on the shirtless, Robin Hood-booted, acid-washed jean wearing fool in the background.  Rape is usually one of the last things you want to go for when you are trying to be funny.


Here's a master work that combines sexism with particularly disgusting racism.  Really?

You are all rockin' the flip-phones, though!

Here's one that pokes fun at what we all know to be true.  Date rape isn't real rape!

Like I said, rape is hilarious!  It's a victimless crime, really.

Dr. Leonard's Freaktastical Catalog for Old People

Have you ever had the pleasure of reading through Dr. Leonard's Catalog?  If you haven't I highly recommend getting on their mailing list.  Their target demographic seems to be people who are elderly, incontinent, mobility impaired, and also very, very horny.

It is your one-stop shop for plastic underpants, bunion regulators (regulate that bunion!),  and sweaters for your dog.

They also have motion sensor owls (take that, you sneaky criminals and Jehovah's witnesses!) and strapless, ruffled terry cloth rompers (always in fashion!).

I bet what you really need is a bug-zapper racket and a hernia support.  Am I right?  Well, Dr. Leonard has your ass covered.  

They even have large print Bibles and the Complete Life of Jesus on DVD.

Oh, and did I mention the large selection of freak-nasty sex toys?  I'm not going to screencap the vibrators, dildos and other unmentionables with names like the 10-Function Bendie, Pearl Dreams Massager,  Creme de la Femme and the grammatically questionable Me Clitoral Stimulating Gel (click at your own risk:  Dr. Leonard's).  But the real stand out product for me is the Totally Nude Yoga and Tai Chi video.

Nude tai chi?  Have you ever seen anyone doing tai chi?

  Have you ever thought, Man I wish I could see those people naked? Oh, you have?  Well, let me direct you to Dr. Leonard's Catalog.  I'm told it's America's leading resource for health products.

Wait, what?

I take back everything I've ever said about my family being weird.

DOTW

It is my distinct pleasure to bestow the very first DOTW honor to Pennsylvania attorney, Karl Rominger. 

Rominger is representing Jerry Sandusky.  In a recent interview, Rominger explained Sandusky's presence in the showers with young men as follows:

“Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 sounds strange to some people, but people who work with troubled youth will tell you there are a lot of juvenile delinquents and people who are dependent who have to be taught basic life skills like how to put soap on their body.”

Here is video of the interview at The Blaze:  Rominger Interview.

Perhaps these troubled youth were also struggling to understand the definitions of  "pedophilia," "fellatio," and "sodomy" as well.  One could argue that Sandusky was merely helping them to broaden their sadly lacking vocabularies by showing them what the words meant. 

Congrats, Karl!  I sure hope the money is worth it.

T and A PSA

I'm not sure if I can play along with this one.  Check out these "public service announcements"  <<nudge-nudge, wink-wink>> brought to you by Mozambique.

Apparently the text (as if anyone is going to read it) says: "When we talk about breast cancer, there's no women or superwomen. Everybody has to do the self-examination monthly. Fight with us against the enemy and, when in doubt, talk with your doctor."

I can't.  I refuse to even pretend to believe that these ads might have made for the benefit of women.    It would have been more honest if these were ads for testicular self-examination.

In "Turning-Into-My-Mother" News

I can admit that I am not stylish, and I don't always "get" fashion, but holy shit, I could not put together an uglier outfit if I tried.  Who, exactly, is going to click on that and buy high-waisted baby-diarrhea green spandex pants and a cardigan that looks like something a morbidly obese elementary school librarian was wearing in 1984? WTF?  How about some deep conditioner and a comb, while you are at it? 

The Voice of The Mother in me is screaming: "You're such a pretty girl!  If you'd just brush your hair and not dress like that... "

It's Hard Out There for a Sorcerer

On Monday, Saudi Arabia beheaded Amina bint Abdulhalim Nassar.  She was found guilty of practicing sorcery.  Yes, sorcery.  In Saudi Arabia they like to party like it's 1692.  She was arrested by the religious police after claiming to be able to heal the sick.  She was apparently charging people $800 to do so.  So at worst this woman was a scam artist.  Maybe she really thought she could heal people, who knows?

What I do know is that Saudi Arabia is a tough place to be a woman.  In 2006, the Saudi Labor Minister, Ghazi Al-Qusaibi, said the following:

"...therefore no woman will be employed without the explicit consent of her guardian. We will also make sure that the [woman's] job will not interfere with her work at home with her family, or with her eternal duty of raising her children..."

 So, let's say you are a woman and you need money for some reason.  There's a 30% chance you are illiterate, you may have been married off as early as age nine, you have only limited property rights, you aren't allowed to drive, and you are basically at the mercy of your closest male relative.  Yeah, think about that.  You could be completely under the control of your dickhole brother.  Sweet!  So, anyway, you need some money.  What are your freaking options?  Running a little hustle is kind of understandable under these circumstances. 

It certainly makes me grateful to live where and when I do.

You can read the full story on the Telegraph here.

Dead Sexy

Gimme a W!  Gimme a T!  Gimme an F!  

Lidner is a Polish coffin company.  This is the cover of their 2012 calendar.  This is the third year that they have published a sexy lady calendar to help sell their wares.   I know when I think about being dead, and having my lifeless corpse lowered into the ground, I definitely think about naked ladies with boob jobs.  So, yeah, whatever.

You might have noticed that the image above merely shows a naked lady.  There is no degradation or violence.  So, technically speaking, it's not pornographic.  Don't worry though, Lidner ups the ante with some of the images on the inside of the calendar.

Sexualization of violence against women?  Check!

Good job with that advertising campaign!   I think somebody deserves a raise!

Oh, Japan!

So apparently in Japan, women spend money to have cosmetic dental procedures to have their teeth look like this:

In Japan, this crooked, exaggerated canine look is called yaeba, and it's considered cute and desirable.   In the US, we call that a jacked up grill, and we spend lots of money so that our teeth don't look like that.   Apparently, this particular pattern of crooked teeth is somewhat common in Japan, and the Japanese have decided to embrace it instead of striving for perfectly straight teeth like we do in the States.  That's actually rather nice, although it sucks that women with straight teeth are having false yaeba applied.  It's just further proof that beauty standards are arbitrary as hell.

Let's just hope that the Brits don't do something similar.  

Black Pin-Up Girls

So, I recently posted about chubby pin-up girls, and even pin-up boys.  I realized that I have never seen a Black pin-up girl.  Surely they exist, right?  Turns out, not so much.   I have spent more time that I want to admit over the last few days trying to dig up some beautiful pin-up art.  I am left empty-handed and kind of pissed off.  Surely someone has a box of old 1940s pin-ups sitting in an attic or closet waiting to be rediscovered.  I refuse to believe that this is such a crazy concept that it was never done.

Despite failing to find pin-ups, I did find some very lovely photographs of Dorothy Dandridge, Josephine Baker, and Joyce Bryant.  

Dorothy Dandridge

Joyce Bryant

Josephine Baker

Although these photos are beautiful, it strikes me as odd that I can't find any vintage pin-ups or more recent pin-ups that are done by an actual artist.    What gives, internet?