Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day: Too short, too short, and still too short

Hey look, it's Goldilocks!  It turns out that my parents told me the lame-ass, g-rated version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears when I was a kid.  It was all about eating porridge, and taking a nap.  I missed the part where there was sexy time. 

I even thought the bears were actual bears. You know, like live-in-a -cave-and-catch-salmon-swimming-upstream bears.  

How wrong I was.

In any case, check out this Goldilock's costume for girls.The one on top is clearly supposed to be sexy.  This one is almost identical to the costume above, but it only comes in girl's sizes.  It's not even in juniors sizes, just girls.  Why?  Would another foot of fabric on the bottom of the skirt ruin the costume?  Would people say, "Geez, I didn't realize you were Goldilocks.  Why isn't your arse hanging out?  Where are your hooker heels? Kids these days have no respect for the classics." 

The Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day Game: Schoolgirl or Stripper!

Let's play a game!  I'm going to show you two costumes currently for sale online.  One is designed and sold as a stripper costume.  The other is marketed as a costume for teens or tweens.  You figure out which one is which.

ROUND ONE:  ALICE IN WONDERLAND

ROUND TWO:  LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

Answers on the next page!

Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day: Fishnets and Cuffs

For your consideration I submit these ultra-realistic portrayals of women on the police force.   This one has all of the details of a real policewoman, from the mini-skirt, to the fishnet stockings, calf-high boots, fingerless gloves and pink lipstick. 

If that one doesn't pull your trigger, how about this fake leather option?  The boots and cuffs really set it off, I think. You can get it as small as a 2T from Oriental Trading Company.

Maybe you need to call in the heavy forces.  Here is a SWAT uniform for teen girls.  Every time I have ever seen an officer in SWAT gear it has been a skirt and fishnets.  There definitely should be no body armor or weapons or anything related to being safe or fighting bad guys.  Cute little wrist cuffs are important, though.

Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day: Sexy Maid at Your Service!

You can purchase the "Child Chamber Maid Costume" for your little tyke at through Amazon.com.  As the description reads, "At your service."   A-dor-a-ble!   Needs a turtleneck and jeans, and maybe a parka, though.

Suck it, Fat Maggie! Eddie Shows You How It's Done.

Yesterday I made a post about a book designed to teach girls about dieting.  Let's look at it again, shall we?

 Look at how Fat Mags is staring in a mirror, holding up a dress that is too small for her.  She longs to fit into that damn dress.  What message does this send?  She wants to lose weight because of how she looks.  That's what's important for little girls, of course.  To look pretty in pink dresses.

Contrast Maggie's book with this one, called Eddie Shapes Up.  Here the protagonist is a male.  Here is the description provided by Amazon:  "...Eddie Shapes Up is the story of a boy who with the support of his friends and family decides to change his lifestyle in order to make his life happier and healthier. With a forward from President Bill Clinton and beautiful illustrations by Jonathan Hoefer, this anticipated bestseller will inspire readers of all ages to eat right, exercise regularly and to always join the fun."

What do you notice?  Eddie, our fat boy, is shaping up to be healthy and have fun.  The cover is happy and evokes play and physical activity.  On the other hand, Mags, our fat girl, is dieting so that she can look pretty.   UGH!

Wouldn't little girls respond to a book about getting healthier and active?  Why do we have to stoop to shaming them about how they look?

Are you looking for new and exciting ways to screw your kid up? Maggie Goes on a Diet can help!

Check out this book, available directly from the devil himself on Amazon.com.  It's called Maggie Goes on a Diet.  Amazon gives this description: "This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image."

Huh. Right now the average age that an American girl goes on her first diet is eight years old.  Seriously.  That is all kinds of fucked up.  At eight you should not be worried about the size of your tummy or the thickness of your thighs.  Yet, this is normal in our culture.  A survey of girls in first through third grade showed that 42% wanted to be thinner (Rader Programs).   Insane.

By the time a girl reaches high school, there is a 60% chance she is on a diet at any given time.   No matter what she weighs or how fit she is, she is likely to believe that she needs to lose weight and to express disatissfaction with her body.  Girls learn quickly that their bodies don't measure up.

The thing is that dieting is not healthy.  Kids who go on restrictive diets are at increased risk for developing eating disorders.  You don't want your kid to end up anorexic, bulimic or a compulsive over-eater?  Do not let them go on a low calorie diet!  Lots of research has been done to show that when a person goes on a diet, they become more obsessed with food.  The mere act of dieting can trigger a lifetime of disordered eating.  Don't believe me?  Check out this article about the Minnesota Starvation Experiment, one of the most famous and earliest studies showing that dieting makes you crazy in the head (They Starved So That Others Be Better Fed).

Your kid has a case of the chubbies?  Turn off the damn television.  Give that kid a piece of fruit or a vegetable, and get them outdoors.  Drag your fat ass out there, too.  For God's sake don't tell the kid that they are fat, and do not put the child on a diet.  If the kid has an active and healthy life they'll be fine.  Let them have a slice of chocolate cake once in a while.  If you tell them they are too fat for it, they are just going to want it more.  As soon as you make certain foods taboo you have opened up a Pandora's box that is going to haunt that child for life. 

Oh, I took the time to read through the reviews for the book.  Most of the comments were from rational, sane people.  Some were a bit misguided, though.   For instance, Robin said: "Wow this is a very great book! My daughter who is 14 and fighting childhood obesity just had a birthday and this book arrived at her birthday party just a couple days after her birthday. So I let her open it up and she loved it."  Can you fucking imagine opening up a present for your fourteenth birthday and getting a book about going on a diet?    Ho-ly shit that kid is going to need therapy.

If you make it, I will buy

I was just Christmas shopping for my kids and trying to find Legos that would interest my daughter.  She's not into Harry Potter, Star Wars, Ninjago or reptiles.  All of the themed sets are definitively "male."  Yeah, I can give her a regular set (which I have already done), but it's not as cool as the Harry Potter set her brother is getting.  Starting in 2012, Lego is going to release a line of blocks geared specifically toward girls.   They are going to be called Friends.   Not the most exciting title ever, but I'll take it.  Here are a few pictures of the products.

It looks like they got some feminists working up in there! 

Skanky Barbie? Oh, I'll give you Skanky Barbie.

 

This is tokidoki Barbie.  She is quite the controversial little doll these days.  All the blogs and news shows are talking about her.  Honestly, I don't get it. Yeah, she has some tattoos.  Do I want my five year old to have tattoos?  Nope.  I gotta say I'm not too worried that she is going to take off on her big wheel and get tatted up.  I am a lot more worried that she'll decide that she needs big boobs, a tiny waist and foot-killing-stilettos of death to be okay.  

This morning I heard the radio show host Bill Bennett call her Skanky Barbie.  Seriously, "Dr." Bill?  Skanky implies not only low-class but also sluttiness.   Is she a whore because she has tattoos?  Or is it the pink hair?  I'm confused, because a lot of Barbies get sold every year that look like outright prostitutes, and there are no news stories about them.  Check out this Barbie that I bought at Toys 'R Us for my psych of women course.

My scene Barbie?  What exactly is your scene?  Street corners and stripper poles?

So, lay the hell off of tokidoki Barbie because of the tattoos.  At least she's fully dressed.  Let's focus on the bigger problems with Barbie.   

P.S.
Love the pink hair, bitch!

It's Halloween! Is your daughter going to be a princess or a stripper?

Halloween season is definitely in full swing!  I am trying to figure out how in the hell to make my son the Shark Boy costume he wants to wear (apparently nobody sells Shark Boy costumes), and am shopping for just the right princess dress for my daughter.  My daughter, a princess?  Yep.  Isn't that a bit gender stereotyped?  Yep.  Every year since she's been able to pick, she's chosen a princess gown.  She's been a snow princess, a purple princess, and last year I made a drag-queen worthy silver princess dress out of an old silk nightgown and a whole lot of rhinestones.  

So, while I am letting my kid dress up like a princess, apparently a lot of other moms are letting their kids dress up in mini-versions of adult hoochie-mama Halloween costumes. 

I'm not sure who Lagoona Blue is, but based on the photo below I'm guessing she is a workin' lady.  Check on the hooker shoes on this girl:

Surely I am not the only one who thinks that it is not cool to let little kids play sexy dress-up for Halloween?  

Put on some pants, Elle Fanning!

She's thirteen years old!  This is from the current issue of Marie Claire.  Overall it's a beautiful editorial, but come on. 

SHOCKER

Supplies!

Remember the mom who was injecting her eight year old with black market botox to get rid of her wrinkles for the kiddie pageant circuit?  Yeah, her.  You'll never, ever believe what happened.  I hope you are sitting down.  Child protective services decided to come knocking, and the child has been taken into custody.  You can read more about it here: Horrible Pageant Mom Loses Custody

I feel so terrible for that poor little girl, yet also really glad that someone has stepped in and removed her from what was, at best, a mother who did not have her best interests in mind.   The truth is that the situation was more akin to abuse.  I hope that the daughter is getting help, and that she grows up knowing that how you look is not the most important thing.

Also, Weird Al is a genius.   I don't care what you say.

If All of Your Friends Gave Their Kids Illegal Botox Injections...

Have you been thinking that your preschooler is looking a little saggy in the jowls?  Is your second grader getting crow's feet?   Mine either.

Apparently, everyone who is everyone on the child pageant circuit is now illegally injecting their kids with botox.  Good Morning America did a story with a pageant mom who injects her eight-year old to get rid of wrinkles.   She sees no problem with it, and defends her actions by saying that all the other moms do it.   Ooookay, then.

You have to watch the video, although be forewarned that it might make you want to smack somebody.   

The mother in this video is not just shallow and a terrible parent.  She is also indescribably, incredibly stupid. I'm not just saying this out of anger, either.  Listen to the way she speaks and her reasoning for what she does.  I'm not going to render a professional opinion or anything here, but let's just say that MENSA is not going to be stamping their approval on this bitch's application any time soon.

First off, it's dumb to do a medical procedure at home when you are clearly not a medical professional.  Even better, why not do a procedure that involves injecting black market botulism poison into your kid's face?   Second, if you are going to risk your child's life because you want her to be a pretty, pretty princess, it's probably not smart to document it with photos and videos and share it with the national news media.  Do you think that child protective services might have something to say about that?  No, I'm guessing that it hasn't occurerd to you. Something tells me you are actually going to be shocked when a social worker comes knocking on your door.  Let's just hope you aren't in the middle of giving your daughter a black market boob job when they show up.  

Ugh.  Say a prayer for that little girl.  She is going to grow up all kinds of effed up with a mother like that. 

Kinda Sketchy, Skechers.

I have never been the biggest fan of Skechers, so it's possible I'm being overly harsh.  But they have a couple of gems out right now that do not get my feminist-mommy stamp of approval.

The first is the "Pretty Tall."  It's a line of tennis shoes with elevated, wedge-style heels.   I just don't get it.  That doesn't sound comfortable, or particularly good for a little girl's feet.  How is she supposed to run around in those?  I read one blog post where a mom raved about them because they increased her daughter's height by a full inch and half, allowing her to get on amusement park rides that she otherwise was too short to ride (http://kidsfashion.about.com/b/2010/08/13/annas-closet-skechers-pretty-tall-shoes.htm).  Huh.  I don't want to judge or anything, but aren't those height requirements kind of a safety thing? 

The second is a version of the Skechers shape up, but for kids.  I'm for kids getting exercise, but something about this just rubs me the wrong way. Here is a banner ad from the Skechers website featuring both products.

So what do you think? Am I just trying to find something to bitch about or are there some legitimate concerns here?

Also, I can't help but imagine that Tom Cruise is on the phone somewhere, desperately trying to get Skechers to manufacture him a custom pair.  Here is an old pic of him in the park with his robo-wife, wearing a sadly plain pair of Pretty Talls.  He'd really like a new pair.

 

http://socialitelife.com

The ones with the butterflies, please.

Speaking of Toddlers and Tiaras...

 This is fabulous!  Where can you buy these?  My daughter is almost FIVE and doesn't have one.  Mia is only two, and she is rocking it. 

Her mom got her this outfit so she could dance to Like a Virgin.  No, I'm serious.  Isn't that cuuuute?  I'm guessing that Vogue Paris has already placed a call to this family for a photo shoot.

"The Princess and the Tomboy"

This is a few weeks old, but it's a dandy.

Okay girls, we all need to choose sides.   Remember, there are only two choices.  Do you love pink?  Does Mommy let you traipse around in high heels? Are you a spoiled, manipulative brat?  Congratulations, you are a Pretty-Pretty Princess!  

Do you like to wear pants?   Are you failing to internalize gender stereotypes?  Are there concerns you  might grow up to be a serial killer? You're a Tomboy!

This strikes me as one step away from declaring these girls are butch and femme.  It also bugs me that the tomboy role is pathologized, and the princess role is described as vain and devious.  Even at age four there is a double-bind. You're damned if you're a princess and damned if you're a tomboy.  It starts early.

As an aside, why do magazines aimed at adults have small children on their covers? They didn't choose to be celebrities, and I think it's creepy as hell that they are followed by paparazzi and that they apparently can sell magazines by being on the cover.  I can't help but imagine some lecherous old man with a collection of these magazines.  Blech.

Little girls in big girl clothes

Elle Fanning, age 12, at the Venice film festival. 

Several websites commented on this dress as being both fun and age-appropriate. Yes, it would be totally age appropriate if she had on a pair of pants underneath that dress.  The girl is twelve.  Twelve!  Does she really need hooker heels and an up-to-there skirt?  I'm voting no.   

Yes, there are many worse things out there that I could pick to bitch about.  But when this outfit is lauded for being age appropriate, I think something has gone awry.  How about we protect girls instead of sexualizing them, mmmmkay?

The perfect Christmas gift!

I found this little gem while doing some Christmas shopping online on Black Friday.  It is rated age ten and up, but I think a girl can never be too young to learn how to self-objectify and live her life for a man.

According to Amazon fun features of this game include:

• Put on your coolest outfit and make up then dance the night away
• An active life is a healthy life and have fun working out with your friends
• Meet up with your best friends to catch up on the latest fashions and hot gossip
• Enjoy this fun time with a lot of flirting relaxing and fun waiting for you

Sounds fun!  I'm glad there is a focus on working out and dressing appropriately.  I only hope there is a really fun dieting activity.