Skanky Barbie? Oh, I'll give you Skanky Barbie.

 

This is tokidoki Barbie.  She is quite the controversial little doll these days.  All the blogs and news shows are talking about her.  Honestly, I don't get it. Yeah, she has some tattoos.  Do I want my five year old to have tattoos?  Nope.  I gotta say I'm not too worried that she is going to take off on her big wheel and get tatted up.  I am a lot more worried that she'll decide that she needs big boobs, a tiny waist and foot-killing-stilettos of death to be okay.  

This morning I heard the radio show host Bill Bennett call her Skanky Barbie.  Seriously, "Dr." Bill?  Skanky implies not only low-class but also sluttiness.   Is she a whore because she has tattoos?  Or is it the pink hair?  I'm confused, because a lot of Barbies get sold every year that look like outright prostitutes, and there are no news stories about them.  Check out this Barbie that I bought at Toys 'R Us for my psych of women course.

My scene Barbie?  What exactly is your scene?  Street corners and stripper poles?

So, lay the hell off of tokidoki Barbie because of the tattoos.  At least she's fully dressed.  Let's focus on the bigger problems with Barbie.   

P.S.
Love the pink hair, bitch!

What I Love About Me

Marie Claire is one of the better fashion magazines.  They actually have decent articles, an even one whole page every month about plus sized fashion called Big Girl in a Skinny World.  Seriously, though, the whole damn magazine should be called Skinny Girl in a Big World because nobody can actually wear the crap in their editorials.  Eh, that's a whole other rant for another day.

So, this month they published their "Winners" of a nationwide contest.  They asked women across the country to name "What I love about me."   Thinking this would be a great woman-positive article, I dug in.

I'm going to spare you the full ten, but this is a sampling of what I got:

"I'm always switching up my style, but my pillowy lips are my best accessory."

"I love how my cute dimples brighten up my whole face."

"Even though my nose is crooked, it's perfect because it reminds me of my dad."

"Having porcelain skin sets me apart from the tan-obsessed crowd."

"My Brazilian accent is an amazing ice-breaker — people are constantly trying to figure out where I'm from."

So, when you ask women across the country what they like about themselves, and then pull the very best ten this is what you get?  Nine of them were about appearance.  Seriously?  The thing you like best about yourself is that you're white or that you have a witchy nose?  Nobody is kind or compassionate or freaky-good at math?  

I love how they published the most shallow, vapid answers possible to a question that probably got some really interesting answers.  Thanks for reinforcing the idea that the most important thing about women is the way they look, Marie Claire! 

Oh, and here's the photo of Snow White.  Congratulations on being Caucasian, bitch! 

Read more: What I Love About Me Contest - Beauty Roadshow Contest Winners - Marie Claire

Put on some pants, Grandpa!

UGH.  This just makes me crazy.  Check out the photo of this nasty old man.

Apparently, US airways let this guy fly in his snazzy little outfit.  What-the-hell?  You know what, there are people who legitimately have gender identity disorder.  It's like a birth defect where their body and brain do not match.  It's a real thing, and it would be incredibly horrible.  If I woke up tomorrow with a peen I would freak the hell out.  That's what it's like to have gender identity disorder.  These people are not weirdos, and they don't try to fly on airplanes dressed like Joe Biden crossed with Tila Tequila.

This outfit is not appropriate for a woman to fly in.  I would complain if Heidi Klum tried to get on an airplane in that outfit (although probably I'd be more focused on how god-awful tacky it is).  Put some friggin' clothes on, homie.

Let's make it clear that I would never attempt to diagnose someone I have not met or am not caring for.   That being said, you know who wants to get on an airplane looking like a whore?  People who want attention.  People who get off on attention.  This nasty ass old man most likely found the experience powerfully arousing.  That disgusts me.  There are kids at airports.  Sometimes my kids are at airports.  I don't want them involuntarily getting sucked into your transvestic fetish fantasies.

ALSO, this makes people think that gay people and people with gender identity disorder are perverts.  They are not.  I bet you anything this old fucker is straight.   Ugh.

Ugly Man Calls Black Women Ugly in Order To Feel Slightly Better About Himself, Get Attention

Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa, a lecturer at the London School of Economics and prolific internet troll, made a post on the Psychology Today blog stating that Black women are less attractive than women of other races, and pseudo-scientifically speculating about the reasons for this "fact."  Not surprisingly, his blog post was swiftly removed by Psychology Today. 

 Sources report that he wrote:    
“Black women are on average much heavier than non-black  women…..However, this is not the reason black women are less physically attractive than non-black women… [it is because] they have existed much longer in human evolutionary history, Africans have more mutations in their genomes than other races”. (See source here).

"The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average  level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone...The race differences in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of  other races, while ...black men are more physically attractive than men of other races."  (Read the complete article here).

<<sigh>>  It's clear that this guy is a complete a*hole who is trying desperately to offend people in order to get some attention.  Even posting about this feels a bit like paying attention to a kid who is throwing a tantrum.  I don't want to reinforce this kind of bullshit.  Nonetheless, racist and sexist crap like this should not go ignored.  I'm not sure why this guy thinks he is in a place to critique the physical appearance of others.  Look in the mirror lately, homie?  Or is this whole thing a ploy to raise money for that much-needed mole removal? 

This whole controversy reminded me of a set of composite photographs that were going around the internet a few months ago that purport to show the average face of women and men of many ethnicities. I don't think anyone could look at this and not see that the Black women are at least as beautiful as the women of other ethnic backgrounds.  In all honesty, when I saw these photos I did the opposite of Kanazawa and wondered why the African American women were the most beautiful.  My guess is that it has to do with a more diverse gene pool, which we all know is a good thing. 

So, let's recap.  Black is beautiful. Satoshi Kanazawa is a douchebag.  Case closed.

Why, Is That A Designer Vagina?

Gee, Jane, I'm sure feeling blue.  I'm worried about whether my fella likes how I look down there.

Golly, Sue, haven't you heard about designer laser vaginoplasty?  All the girls are doing it.  It's real simple.  You just go to the doctor, she points a high powered laser at your lady-bits, and poof! You're looking like a fresh flower in the spring.  It's swell!

Wow, Jane.  Why haven't I heard about designer laser vaginoplasty?  It sounds great, but are there any risks?

Designer laser vaginoplasty isn't just great, Sue, it's the best!  Lots of doctors are doing it.  The stock text on their websites even says:  "Surveys and Tests conducted reveal that given a choice, women want to look like the “Playboy” models, and now, we can make you look however you want."  Isn't that just peachy?   It's real safe, too.  The weeks of healing, scarring, and potential loss of sensation and lack of sexual pleasure are a small price to pay to look pretty for your guy!  

You can learn more here, here, and see before and after pics here!  Yeah, you might not want to click on that last one unless you really, really want to see a designer vaginer (Hint:  It's not covered in little Louis Vuitton logos).

Edited to add:  My sister just asked me about how haute coocher fits in with the designer vaginer movement.  I'm not sure, but I'm certain it's much more expensive, and can only be done by very fancy people in France.