One Sexy Beaver

If you ever find yourself in Lewis, New York be sure to check out Betty Beaver's Truck Stop and Diner.  They deserve your patronage for the sheer art that is their sign.  I bet they had to pay extra to make it 3D, but it was worth it.  That is one sexy beaver!

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Skanky Barbie? Oh, I'll give you Skanky Barbie.

 

This is tokidoki Barbie.  She is quite the controversial little doll these days.  All the blogs and news shows are talking about her.  Honestly, I don't get it. Yeah, she has some tattoos.  Do I want my five year old to have tattoos?  Nope.  I gotta say I'm not too worried that she is going to take off on her big wheel and get tatted up.  I am a lot more worried that she'll decide that she needs big boobs, a tiny waist and foot-killing-stilettos of death to be okay.  

This morning I heard the radio show host Bill Bennett call her Skanky Barbie.  Seriously, "Dr." Bill?  Skanky implies not only low-class but also sluttiness.   Is she a whore because she has tattoos?  Or is it the pink hair?  I'm confused, because a lot of Barbies get sold every year that look like outright prostitutes, and there are no news stories about them.  Check out this Barbie that I bought at Toys 'R Us for my psych of women course.

My scene Barbie?  What exactly is your scene?  Street corners and stripper poles?

So, lay the hell off of tokidoki Barbie because of the tattoos.  At least she's fully dressed.  Let's focus on the bigger problems with Barbie.   

P.S.
Love the pink hair, bitch!

Trash-n-Fashion

I know I drink too much Diet Coke.  Now I have plan for all of those cans sitting in my garage waiting to be recycled.  I would look smashing in this, no?

Or how about this little party dress made out of pop can tabs and trash bags?  It was made by an eighteen-year old fashion student named Casey Hansel.

What about this fanciness?  No, it's not a Belle's dress from the 1984 Junior prom.   It's a gown made from peanut m&m wrappers.  Brillz!

This last one is made from shredded issues of Vogue.  I know I get the urge to rip up Vogue every once in a while.  Now there is a good reason to do it!

Why, Is That A Designer Vagina?

Gee, Jane, I'm sure feeling blue.  I'm worried about whether my fella likes how I look down there.

Golly, Sue, haven't you heard about designer laser vaginoplasty?  All the girls are doing it.  It's real simple.  You just go to the doctor, she points a high powered laser at your lady-bits, and poof! You're looking like a fresh flower in the spring.  It's swell!

Wow, Jane.  Why haven't I heard about designer laser vaginoplasty?  It sounds great, but are there any risks?

Designer laser vaginoplasty isn't just great, Sue, it's the best!  Lots of doctors are doing it.  The stock text on their websites even says:  "Surveys and Tests conducted reveal that given a choice, women want to look like the “Playboy” models, and now, we can make you look however you want."  Isn't that just peachy?   It's real safe, too.  The weeks of healing, scarring, and potential loss of sensation and lack of sexual pleasure are a small price to pay to look pretty for your guy!  

You can learn more here, here, and see before and after pics here!  Yeah, you might not want to click on that last one unless you really, really want to see a designer vaginer (Hint:  It's not covered in little Louis Vuitton logos).

Edited to add:  My sister just asked me about how haute coocher fits in with the designer vaginer movement.  I'm not sure, but I'm certain it's much more expensive, and can only be done by very fancy people in France.

SHOCKER

Supplies!

Remember the mom who was injecting her eight year old with black market botox to get rid of her wrinkles for the kiddie pageant circuit?  Yeah, her.  You'll never, ever believe what happened.  I hope you are sitting down.  Child protective services decided to come knocking, and the child has been taken into custody.  You can read more about it here: Horrible Pageant Mom Loses Custody

I feel so terrible for that poor little girl, yet also really glad that someone has stepped in and removed her from what was, at best, a mother who did not have her best interests in mind.   The truth is that the situation was more akin to abuse.  I hope that the daughter is getting help, and that she grows up knowing that how you look is not the most important thing.

Also, Weird Al is a genius.   I don't care what you say.

If All of Your Friends Gave Their Kids Illegal Botox Injections...

Have you been thinking that your preschooler is looking a little saggy in the jowls?  Is your second grader getting crow's feet?   Mine either.

Apparently, everyone who is everyone on the child pageant circuit is now illegally injecting their kids with botox.  Good Morning America did a story with a pageant mom who injects her eight-year old to get rid of wrinkles.   She sees no problem with it, and defends her actions by saying that all the other moms do it.   Ooookay, then.

You have to watch the video, although be forewarned that it might make you want to smack somebody.   

The mother in this video is not just shallow and a terrible parent.  She is also indescribably, incredibly stupid. I'm not just saying this out of anger, either.  Listen to the way she speaks and her reasoning for what she does.  I'm not going to render a professional opinion or anything here, but let's just say that MENSA is not going to be stamping their approval on this bitch's application any time soon.

First off, it's dumb to do a medical procedure at home when you are clearly not a medical professional.  Even better, why not do a procedure that involves injecting black market botulism poison into your kid's face?   Second, if you are going to risk your child's life because you want her to be a pretty, pretty princess, it's probably not smart to document it with photos and videos and share it with the national news media.  Do you think that child protective services might have something to say about that?  No, I'm guessing that it hasn't occurerd to you. Something tells me you are actually going to be shocked when a social worker comes knocking on your door.  Let's just hope you aren't in the middle of giving your daughter a black market boob job when they show up.  

Ugh.  Say a prayer for that little girl.  She is going to grow up all kinds of effed up with a mother like that. 

Another Triumph for Technology (Also, Boobs!)

Do you have too much time on your hands, an iphone, and a burning desire to know you would look like with a larger pair of melons?  No?  Are you a perv, with too much time on your hands and a burning desire to play around with boobies?  Well, here's the app for you!  It's called iAugment.  You take a picture of your own torso (you know, or sneak and take a picture of one your sister's friends), and you upload it into the app.  Then you can use a simple slider for hours of jug adjusting fun.

Before you get concerned, this app was created by a female plastic surgeon.  So, clearly it's all good.  We can brush off any concerns about the normalization of body dissatisfaction.  Instead, let's chat about what in the hell is going on with the right boob in the left picture below.  Maybe the bra is just winking at us.

Winking all the way to the bank. Awww, yeah!

Who says the feminist movement is dead?

Bridal Plasty

I'm super-excited about the new show debuting on E!  It's called Bridal Plasty.  The website for the show describes it as such:  "Brides-to-be compete in challenges to earn plastic-surgery procedures in a quest to win their ultimate dream wedding." 

Well, damn.  It's too bad that I got married ten years too early to have my cellulite, pock-marks and otherwise disgustingly natural bodily features snarkily commented on and circled with a sharpie by some misogynist plastic surgeon on national television.

In the first challenge the poor, grossly disfigured brides compete to win procedures at an injectables party.  An injectables party!   Why don't I ever get invited to anything fun like that?

In other news, I'm nominating Kendra Wilkinson to be the next president of the National Organization for Women.