DOTW: Captain Cream Puff

Congratulations to Francesco Schettino, captain of the Costa Concordia.  He is undoubtedly guilty of looking like a total douchebag.

Heeeey, ladies!  You like the chest hair, no?

It is true that his woeful neglect of the top three four buttons on his shirt alone would qualify him for the honor of DOTW.  But he gets the title for his now famous, incredibly weenie-like performance after he caused the crash of his ship, killing at least twelve people.  The crash occurred because he veered miles off course in order to sail past an island and impress some of his buddies.  He engaged in all sorts of jackassery and general incompetence in the minutes after the accident.  But to me, his crowning glory was abandoning ship before all of the passengers were off. That's just a big no-no.  Now he is claiming that he didn't mean to abandon ship, but that he tripped and fell into a lifeboat.  Uhhh...


I think this guy would be better off to just go with: "It wasn't me."

Bikini babes and cheesy snacks

UGH!  Seriously.  These are the articles on Fox News right now.  Rhianna on bikini tour? What the f^@k is a bikini tour?  She likes to wear swimsuits?  Who gives a crap?  The bitch is swimming, do you want her to wear snowpants?  Underpants for soldiers?  Vanilla fucking ice?  STRAWS OF CHEESE!?  Now you are just screwing with us.  What kind of friggin' article about cheese straws warrants a spot on the main page of an alleged news website?  Oh, and to answer my question, yes.  I am stressed.  My gut does feel it.   I don't want to turn into a conspiracy nut, but it almost makes me wonder if they are just trying to distract the readership from important things that are happening in the world.

I can't help but think about bread and circuses. In Rome, when the shit was hitting the fan, the government distracted and appeased the people by providing free entertainment and food (Wikipedia article here.  Yeah, I know.  Wikipedia.  Just don't cite it in a term paper.).  I hate to get all political, but there is a lot of metaphorical shit flying toward the metaphorical fan right now, and the "news" sources give us this.   Seriously.  If I want this crap I will watch Entertainment Tonight or buy a copy of the National Enquirer.

Best Headline Ever.

Thanks to the Smoking Gun for what is possibly the best headline ever penned.  Flaming Tampon Attack should be the name of a band.

Love this fat bitch

She's right, you know.

Barenaked ladies

Plus Model magazine ran an intentionally controversial pictorial in their January 2012 issue titled "What's Wrong with Our Bodies Anyway?"  The pictorial is designed to elicit shock and raise questions for the viewer.  Most of the images are gorgeous.  Here are two of the most lovely:

Katya Zharkova

 

Then there were two images that featured the plus-sized model alongside a so-called "straight-sized" model.  I'm not sure what I think about these.  They do highlight just how pre-adolescent and tiny the smaller model looks.  However, I'm not sure how I feel about comparing women's bodies in this way.  I also can't help but note the faux lesbianism in the posing, and the fact that the smaller model has her face completely obscured in each photo, which is a form of objectification.  These things strike me as a bit unnecessary, possibly creepy, and ultimately distracting from the points they were trying to make.  The photos below lack the joy of the ones above.  What do you think?  Progress or not?

(View the full pictorial here: PMM Pictorial)

One Sexy Beaver

If you ever find yourself in Lewis, New York be sure to check out Betty Beaver's Truck Stop and Diner.  They deserve your patronage for the sheer art that is their sign.  I bet they had to pay extra to make it 3D, but it was worth it.  That is one sexy beaver!

jtwoo.blogspot.com/

A discrete, fashion-forward solution for your feminine needs

Here's another tool to improve your sexual health from the good Dr. Leonard's catalog.  The description below the photo says:  "This rose ring is a wearable tickler massager, sure to start a buzz...Discreet.."  Discreet?!  It looks like you have an uncircumcised lil' smokie shoved in that thing!   

I'll give you a dolla' if you wear one in public, though.