Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day: Mangina Edition

Something tells me this is as close to getting inside of a vagina as this guy has ever been.  His mom must be so proud.

One Crazy Rule to Look Younger Now

Ugh!  I hate those frickin' ads that are trying to push some miracle pill to make you look younger.  It is total bullshit.   Is the one rule to stop bein' a crack ho?  Because this shiz is looking like Faces of Meth in reverse.

Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day: Too short, too short, and still too short

Hey look, it's Goldilocks!  It turns out that my parents told me the lame-ass, g-rated version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears when I was a kid.  It was all about eating porridge, and taking a nap.  I missed the part where there was sexy time. 

I even thought the bears were actual bears. You know, like live-in-a -cave-and-catch-salmon-swimming-upstream bears.  

How wrong I was.

In any case, check out this Goldilock's costume for girls.The one on top is clearly supposed to be sexy.  This one is almost identical to the costume above, but it only comes in girl's sizes.  It's not even in juniors sizes, just girls.  Why?  Would another foot of fabric on the bottom of the skirt ruin the costume?  Would people say, "Geez, I didn't realize you were Goldilocks.  Why isn't your arse hanging out?  Where are your hooker heels? Kids these days have no respect for the classics." 

Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day: Old West Hooker Girl!

Clearly I am missing something.  Maybe I am not smart enough to figure out the vocabulary words being used to describe this Halloween costume.    The word tween means in someone who is between a child and a teenager, right?  So, I'm thinking like 10, 11 or 12 year-olds.  Am I totally off base with this?

Now, a saloon girl is an old west prostitute, isn't it?  So, the "Saloon Girl Junior Tween Costume" is by definition an outfit designed to make a girl look like an old-timey child prostitute.  If you happen to be in-between prison sentences and are in the market for something like this for the kid you keep locked in your attic, you can find one at Spirit Halloween supplies. FYI.

The Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day Game: Schoolgirl or Stripper!

Let's play a game!  I'm going to show you two costumes currently for sale online.  One is designed and sold as a stripper costume.  The other is marketed as a costume for teens or tweens.  You figure out which one is which.

ROUND ONE:  ALICE IN WONDERLAND

ROUND TWO:  LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

Answers on the next page!

Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day: Fishnets and Cuffs

For your consideration I submit these ultra-realistic portrayals of women on the police force.   This one has all of the details of a real policewoman, from the mini-skirt, to the fishnet stockings, calf-high boots, fingerless gloves and pink lipstick. 

If that one doesn't pull your trigger, how about this fake leather option?  The boots and cuffs really set it off, I think. You can get it as small as a 2T from Oriental Trading Company.

Maybe you need to call in the heavy forces.  Here is a SWAT uniform for teen girls.  Every time I have ever seen an officer in SWAT gear it has been a skirt and fishnets.  There definitely should be no body armor or weapons or anything related to being safe or fighting bad guys.  Cute little wrist cuffs are important, though.

Slutty Halloween Costume of the Day: Sexy Maid at Your Service!

You can purchase the "Child Chamber Maid Costume" for your little tyke at through Amazon.com.  As the description reads, "At your service."   A-dor-a-ble!   Needs a turtleneck and jeans, and maybe a parka, though.

Bringing the hotness

 

LOVE HER.  This is Ms. Octavia Spencer killin' it on the cover of Elle this month.  She is plus-sized and gorgeous.  Kudos to Elle for showing us some real beauty.   Work it!

Slutty Girl's Halloween Costume of the Day: Major Flirt

As we are getting closer to Halloween, parents everywhere are trying to decide what sort of stripper outfit they are going to let their daughters wear for trick-or-treating.  I thought I would share a few of the more outstanding entries in this year's Prostitot Pageant.


This is Major Flirt.  It is sold by Spirit.   This costume is described, in part, as "...the highest ranking Drama Queen in the army!"  I'm not sure what is cuter, the trivialization of women's role in the armed forces, or the snazzy S&M dog collar accessory.

Who would wear it better?

Since we seem to be on the topic of urinals lately, I thought I would share this gown created by The Rodnik Band. 

I know I watch too much Project Runway, but I keep hearing Tim Gunn in my head asking, "Who is the girl who is wearing this dress?" 

I'm just not sure if it's Lady Gaga or Kim Kardashian.

Potty Mouth

A newly opened French restaurant in Australia has recently come under fire because their men's restroom features urinals shaped like women's mouths. Apparently some fun-hating feminsts have complained that having men pee into representations of women's mouths is somehow offensive.

Sadly, the restaurant has decided to remove these objets d'art.  Perhaps they will replace them with something far classier and less offensive.

Like this.